This Always Surprises My Clients. Who Forgets About Brownies?

My clients are often surprised—if not shocked—to discover they have forgotten about a food that once felt like it had so much power over them.

Their experiences sound something like this:

• I can’t believe I forgot about the cookies in my cupboard! That’s never happened before.
   

• My favorite chips actually went stale before I finished them. Typically, I'd fixate on them and eat the entire bag right away.
   

• The chocolate in my pantry no longer calls for me all day long. I rarely think about it!
   

• Shockingly, I found a pint of ice cream in my freezer that I totally forgot about!
   

• I can’t believe the bread went moldy. It’s never lasted long enough to do that before.
   

• I was so surprised to find a half-eaten candy bar in my bag that I bought a few weeks ago. 

This doesn’t happen because my clients are just really forgetful people.

It happens because they started giving themselves unconditional permission to eat.

Food Loses Its Power
Feeling obsessed with or controlled by food is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower and self-discipline. It’s a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation.

When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want when you want, food—especially your forbidden foods—loses its power.

The more you eat a forbidden food and trust that you can have it when you want it (assuming you have access to it and no dietary restrictions*), the more its allure and charge wears off.

The food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal.

You enjoy it when you want it and forget about it when you don’t.

Mel's Brownie Story
Here's how my client Mel describes her experience...

“In the past, if my partner made a pan of brownies, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on work knowing they were on the counter. In fact, I'd sneak into the kitchen multiple times a day to shave a little off the row hoping no one would notice. 

Now that I'm letting myself eat sweets whenever I want them and without telling myself I'm being bad or that I have to make up for it by going on a diet or working out more, I don't even think about the brownies until I'm ready to enjoy them with my family. Sometimes, I even forget we have them!

The experience is so much more satisfying because I no longer feel obsessed, powerless and out of control."

Won’t Work for Me
It’s completely understandable if you have doubts that this could ever be true for you, especially if you have a long history of dieting and a long list of forbidden foods, food rules and food fears.

My new clients look at me in disbelief when I share stories like these. They can’t imagine it for themselves.

Inevitably, as they make peace with food and trust nothing is off-limits, they are pleasantly surprised that they, too, no longer feel obsessed with, distracted by or controlled by food.

My clients don’t have any magical powers.

What they do have is a deep desire to have a more liberating, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food accompanied by a steadfast commitment to doing the often hard, messy work needed to attain it.

*Of course, a food may need to be off-limits due to a medical condition, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease. Some people find that if this is the case, they have little to no desire to consume the food due to the potential negative health consequences. However, this isn’t always easy and if it’s something you struggle with, I recommend seeking support from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, registered dietitian or nutritionist.

I Can't Keep Chips in My House. I Always Lose Control.

Do you have any trigger foods?
 
Are you afraid to keep certain foods in your house because you feel like you lose control with them every time you eat them? 

There is a very valid reason why some foods feel triggering.

Restriction.

If you’re like most people, your trigger foods are triggering because you are restricting them.

This was certainly the case for me when I was restricting food and following a bunch of food rules.

Natural Scarcity Response 
Potato chips are a common trigger food, so let’s use them as an example.

Let’s say you love potato chips but you rarely let yourself eat them because you consider them to be a “bad” food and every time you do allow yourself to have them, you feel completely out of control with them.

When you do break down and buy a bag, you can’t stop thinking about them sitting in your cupboard and you keep returning to the kitchen all afternoon for more until the last salty crumbs are licked off your fingers. Once the bag is gone and you’re full of chips and guilt, you decide the safest thing to do is to not eat them at all. 

“I can’t be trusted to have potato chips in my house! I’m never eating them again!” you proclaim to your friends who can all totally relate because, thanks to diet culture, they have trigger foods too.

But here’s the thing: 

When you don’t let yourself eat potato chips on a regular basis, you create a sense of scarcity and deprivation with them. 

The natural human response to scarcity and deprivation is to consume as much as possible of your restricted food when you do allow yourself to eat it. 

Basically, your very wise brain is thinking “I never get potato chips therefore I must eat as much as I can right now because I don’t know if I’ll ever have access to them again.”

On top of this, if you’re telling yourself while you’re eating the chips that you shouldn’t be eating them and won’t let yourself eat them again, you are amplifying the threat of scarcity and deprivation, which will further drive you to eat as much as you can right away. 

Unconditional Permission to Eat
If you want to stop feeling out of control with potato chips, you need to give yourself unconditional permission to eat all the potato chips you want whenever you want. 

This means stocking your kitchen with potato chips and freely eating them with meals, between meals, at breakfast, for dessert, however you desire.

This continuous exposure to your trigger food leads to habituation. 

The more you eat potato chips, the more you habituate to them. 

In time, their reward value and power over you will diminish and they will become ordinary and neutral—basically, no big deal.

The goal of habituation isn’t to no longer want your trigger foods, but rather to create a trusting, satisfying and peaceful relationship with them, one that’s free of fear, guilt and shame. 

Understandably Feels Scary
Giving yourself unconditional permission to eat your trigger foods can, understandably, feel pretty scary. 

It’s so helpful to understand that it’s completely normal to eat a lot of your trigger foods in the beginning of the habituation process because your brain is still operating in scarcity mode. It will take time for it to calm down and trust that it will have regular access to previously restricted foods.

This phase of making peace with food freaks a lot of people out, which is why it can be so helpful to get support, whether it’s from an Intuitive Eating counselor, coach, therapist or online community.

When working with my clients, we talk about various strategies that can help them with the habituation process so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming and send them running back to the land of restriction.

Once my clients start habituating to their trigger foods, they start to see that, despite what diet culture wants them to believe, they can trust themselves with any food, regardless of their history with it. Feeling this sense of trust and freedom with food is profoundly liberating.

Here's what my client Jenny had to say about her experience: 

"One of my biggest wins has been being able to have all types of food in my house. Before, I couldn’t have any sweets or baked goods at home otherwise I would just eat them all in one sitting. Having that stuff in my house and not bingeing on it has been a huge positive change. The day I started forgetting it was there was a big day!"

How I Quit Obsessing About Food—And Got My Life Back.

When I was in college, I went to an aerobics class that was held in the basement of some random office building near campus.

I was able to attend for free in exchange for arriving early to set the room up for class, which meant pushing all the desks, chairs and trashcans out of the way so there was plenty of space for leg kicks and grapevines.

Right next to the building was a tiny cookie shop that baked the most delicious, ginormous cookies. You could smell them baking from blocks away. I was very fond of the double chocolate chip ones.

While sweating away under the fluorescent lights in that low-ceiling makeshift aerobics studio, I fantasized about sinking my teeth into one of those chewy, gooey delights—a big no-no on my fat-free diet.

Distracted by my food fantasies, I was often sidestepping to the right when everyone else was moving to the left. 

A Major Distraction
I can recall many times when my obsession with food, especially my forbidden foods, prevented me from being fully engaged in my life and present for those around me.

I remember being distracted at a bridal shower by the chocolate layer cake I so badly wanted but wouldn’t let myself have because it would have blown my calorie count for the day.

I spent numerous work meetings preoccupied with the muffins and bagels on the conference table that were off-limits because they didn’t fit into my idea of a healthy diet.

At parties, I barely recalled conversations with friends because my mind was on the pizza box, cheese platter, chip bowl or brownie plate—all “illegal” foods.

Constant State of Deprivation
I thought about food ALL THE TIME. It consumed my life.

Back then, I didn’t understand that the reason I spent so much time, energy and headspace thinking about food was because I was living in a constant state of deprivation.

As a result of all my food rules and restrictions, I incessantly thought about what I could eat, should eat, shouldn’t eat and really wanted to eat.

Unconditional Permission to Eat
When I finally stopped trying to micromanage my diet and force my body to be a size it was never meant to be, my preoccupation with food eventually went away (along with many of the other harmful side effects of dieting).

By slowly learning how to eat intuitively, which included giving myself unconditional permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, food took a balanced place in my life.

When my deprivation ended, my obsession ended.

The intensity, anxiety, stress and shame I once experienced with food were replaced with a sense of ease, peace, expansiveness and freedom.

Of course, none of this happened overnight. It took time for me to break up with diet culture, ditch my food rules and trust my body again. Instead of putting all my time and energy into depriving myself, I put it into healing my disordered eating. 

As a result, I opened up so much more space in my life for far more important, meaningful and fun things than obsessing about food.