This Always Surprises My Clients. Who Forgets About Brownies?

My clients are often surprised—if not shocked—to discover they have forgotten about a food that once felt like it had so much power over them.

Their experiences sound something like this:

• I can’t believe I forgot about the cookies in my cupboard! That’s never happened before.
   

• My favorite chips actually went stale before I finished them. Typically, I'd fixate on them and eat the entire bag right away.
   

• The chocolate in my pantry no longer calls for me all day long. I rarely think about it!
   

• Shockingly, I found a pint of ice cream in my freezer that I totally forgot about!
   

• I can’t believe the bread went moldy. It’s never lasted long enough to do that before.
   

• I was so surprised to find a half-eaten candy bar in my bag that I bought a few weeks ago. 

This doesn’t happen because my clients are just really forgetful people.

It happens because they started giving themselves unconditional permission to eat.

Food Loses Its Power
Feeling obsessed with or controlled by food is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower and self-discipline. It’s a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation.

When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want when you want, food—especially your forbidden foods—loses its power.

The more you eat a forbidden food and trust that you can have it when you want it (assuming you have access to it and no dietary restrictions*), the more its allure and charge wears off.

The food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal.

You enjoy it when you want it and forget about it when you don’t.

Mel's Brownie Story
Here's how my client Mel describes her experience...

“In the past, if my partner made a pan of brownies, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on work knowing they were on the counter. In fact, I'd sneak into the kitchen multiple times a day to shave a little off the row hoping no one would notice. 

Now that I'm letting myself eat sweets whenever I want them and without telling myself I'm being bad or that I have to make up for it by going on a diet or working out more, I don't even think about the brownies until I'm ready to enjoy them with my family. Sometimes, I even forget we have them!

The experience is so much more satisfying because I no longer feel obsessed, powerless and out of control."

Won’t Work for Me
It’s completely understandable if you have doubts that this could ever be true for you, especially if you have a long history of dieting and a long list of forbidden foods, food rules and food fears.

My new clients look at me in disbelief when I share stories like these. They can’t imagine it for themselves.

Inevitably, as they make peace with food and trust nothing is off-limits, they are pleasantly surprised that they, too, no longer feel obsessed with, distracted by or controlled by food.

My clients don’t have any magical powers.

What they do have is a deep desire to have a more liberating, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food accompanied by a steadfast commitment to doing the often hard, messy work needed to attain it.

*Of course, a food may need to be off-limits due to a medical condition, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease. Some people find that if this is the case, they have little to no desire to consume the food due to the potential negative health consequences. However, this isn’t always easy and if it’s something you struggle with, I recommend seeking support from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, registered dietitian or nutritionist.

Food Freedom: Clients Share What It Means to Them

A big part of my work is helping people escape diet culture with all its punitive rules and restrictions and instead enjoy an ongoing sense of freedom with food.

Over the years, I’ve talked a lot about what food freedom means to me. 

For today’s newsletter, I'm excited to have some of my clients share what food freedom means to them. I find their responses to be incredibly inspiring. Perhaps, you will, too.

Clients Share What Food Freedom Means
“To me, food freedom means I only eat foods I actually enjoy. In the past, I would force myself to eat foods from my limited list of approved foods even if it wasn’t what I was craving. Now I’m able to make food choices based both on what I want taste- and texture-wise and what would make me feel my best in my body.” –Heather

“Food freedom means forgetting what I ate earlier and not stressing about what I will eat later.” –Adriana

“Food freedom means I am released from the diet culture judgment I used to impose on every food decision. That could mean choosing a crisp, crunchy salad if that sounds good to my body and not because I’m trying to be ‘healthy.’ It also means buying Oreos or chocolate at the store if a sweet treat sounds good.” –Emily

“Without food rules holding me back, I feel calm, peaceful and just happy enjoying messy meals as a family with our active toddler. I love cooking with my daughter and watching her explore the different dishes we've created, trying new textures and foods as we go.” –Ellen

“Food freedom means having multiple jars of nut butter in the house at once and knowing I won't (and don't need to!) binge on them. A close second is being able to eat at restaurants and not plan out what I will eat in advance or starve myself beforehand.” –Meredith

“It means the freedom to choose without guilt how I want to nourish myself. It means I give myself unconditional permission to eat whatever/whenever, so there is no sense of scarcity or repression that would cause me to want to rebel against myself.” –S.Y. 

“Food freedom means having time to do a million more fun and important things than recording, tracking and worrying about what I eat. It means trust in myself to know when I'm hungry, when I've had enough, what I feel like eating, what is best for me and that I'll be OK even on bad body image days.” –Katja

“Food freedom is eating exactly what I want, enjoying it without anxiety or guilt, and not giving what I ate any thought when finished. I simply move on with my day.” –Janelle

What Does It Mean to You?
If food freedom is something you desire, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the following questions.

What does food freedom mean to you? How would it look and feel? 

How would your life change if you escaped diet culture and gave yourself unconditional permission to eat freely?

If you have barriers, such as dietary restrictions due to a health condition, how can you imagine still feeling some sense of food freedom?

What small step can take this week to bring you closer to food freedom?

May you always remember that everyone deserves to eat with a sense of peace, ease and freedom—including you.

Do You Think About Food Nonstop?

Do you spend a lot of time, energy and headspace thinking about food?

Is it hard to focus on work, concentrate on a book or show, or stay present while socializing because you’re distracted by thoughts about what you’re allowed to eat, when you’re allowed to eat, what you shouldn’t have eaten, or what you really want to eat but won’t let yourself have?

If this describes your experience, it’s most likely because:

1/ You are not eating enough

and/or

2/ You are not eating what you really want

If you are restricting your food intake because you’re following a plan, program or rules that dictate your eating, it’s only natural that you will feel both physically and psychologically deprived and thus feel preoccupied with food.*


Not About Willpower, Discipline or Addiction
Constant thoughts about food are not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline or food addiction, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe.

When your very wise body is not getting its nourishment needs met because it’s experiencing hunger and food deprivation, it will do everything it can to get you to eat, including flooding your mind with thoughts of food.

In order to stop obsessing about food, you need to:

1/ Honor Your Hunger
Eat as soon as possible when your hunger sensations surface—or before they do if you anticipate becoming hungry yet circumstances won’t enable you to stop and eat (e.g., a work situation where eating isn’t possible).

If you feel disconnected from your hunger cues, which can happen if you have a history of ignoring or suppressing them, set a reminder to check in with your body at regular intervals to assess your hunger level and honor its needs.

2/ Eat Unconditionally
Give yourself full, unconditional permission to eat whatever you want whenever you want—assuming you have access to it and don’t have any limitations due to a health condition, such as a nut allergy or celiac disease.

For some, this approach to eating may sound reckless. It isn’t. It's about letting your internal cues guide your eating decisions instead of external rules and eating whatever tastes and feels the most satisfying to you.


Be Aware of Pseudo-Permission
Be aware, however, that it is possible to believe you are giving yourself unconditional permission to eat when you’re actually giving yourself pseudo-permission.

Pseudo-permission means you are granting yourself permission to eat something while simultaneously depriving yourself of it in the future.

This often shows up with thoughts such as “It’s okay if I eat pancakes for breakfast as long as I don’t eat any carbs for the rest of the day” or “I’ll let myself eat these chips, but I’m not going to buy them again for a long time” or “I can eat sweets on the weekend but not on weekdays.”

If you still find yourself consumed by food thoughts after practicing “unconditional eating” for a long time, it’s quite likely you are actually just giving yourself pseudo-permission to eat by putting conditions on your eating.

This is completely understandable, especially if you have a deeply engrained diet mentality, which can operate on a subconscious level and take time to let go of.


Space for More Fulfilling Things
When your body’s nourishment needs are fully satisfied and you no longer feel a sense of deprivation or scarcity, food will take a balanced place in your life.

You will think about food much less, ultimately freeing up space for more fulfilling, meaningful things.

If you have a long history of dieting and disordered eating, honoring your hunger and giving yourself unconditional permission to eat will likely feel very scary and challenging at first.

Your eating may feel off-kilter or out-of-sorts for a while; this is a normal part of the process. Once you and your body truly trust that your needs will be consistently met, these feelings will subside.

It’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself and to get support, whether from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, nutritionist, online community, podcast or all of the above.

I encourage you to also keep reminding yourself of what’s on the other side of this sometimes hard and messy healing work: a peaceful, balanced and liberating relationship with food.

*It’s important to note that these feelings can also be due to food insecurity if you don’t have reliable access to enough food because of financial constraints or other barriers. If this is the case, I encourage you to seek out local food banks and public assistance programs. Here’s a good place to start.