I Can't Stick With a Diet! Why This is a Good Thing.

Have you ever rebelled against your diet? It can look something like this...

“Within a few weeks of starting a new diet, the same thing always happens,” says Gina. “I find myself rebelling against the rules. I basically just say ‘eff it!’ and go crazy with all the forbidden foods."

"Of course, I end up feeling like crap. Not only am I stuffed, I also feel angry and ashamed," she admits. 

"So, naturally, I go into fix-it mode, which means hopping online in search of a new diet while promising myself that I’ll really stick with it this time.”

Gina believes her inability to stay on a diet is due to her lack of self-control. “If only I had more willpower and discipline, then I’m sure I would finally be successful at this dieting game.”

Healthy Rebellion
What Gina doesn’t realize is that rebelling against her diet is actually very healthy behavior.

When you let a plan, program or person dictate what you eat, how much you eat and when you eat, you give your power away. It’s an assault on your personal autonomy and boundaries.

When you rebel, you’re actually restoring your autonomy and protecting your boundaries. You’re reclaiming your power. This is a good thing!

Unlike Gina, when I was dieting, I regrettably tolerated diet culture's rules for far too long before I began pushing back. 

Once I stopped restricting and started eating more intuitively, the sense of freedom I felt with food made me realize I could never turn my eating decisions over to an external force again.

You’re in Charge
Whereas dieting is disempowering, Intuitive Eating is empowering.

With Intuitive Eating, there’s no need to ever rebel because you’re always in charge. There are no rules, there's nothing to defy.

You—and only you—decide what and when to eat based on your individual needs and circumstances such as your body’s cues (e.g., hunger, fullness, desires), satisfaction level, nutritional requirements, personal preferences and values, food budget and accessibility, and daily rhythm and schedule.

Basically, to the best of your ability, you eat what feels right when it feels right.

The result: greater ease, freedom and peace in your relationship with food.

I'm Being So Bad! I Shouldn't Be Eating This!

Some years ago, while dishing up a bowl of oatmeal in the buffet line at a retreat center, a guest next to me was adding fresh berries to her granola.

As she drizzled honey on top of the fruit, she turned to me and said, “I’m being so bad! I’m not supposed to be eating this!”

Her comment caught me off guard. 

Uncertain how to respond, I just smiled at her and went about my breakfast-gathering business.

Hoping to Hear
I’m not exactly sure what response the woman was looking for, but I have a few ideas.

It’s possible she was hoping for some reassurance that she and her actions were okay, that she wouldn’t get caught cheating on her diet or completely go to pot after eating an apparently forbidden food. 

Maybe she felt that by confessing her “food sin” she’d be absolved of the guilt she was feeling.

Perhaps she wanted me to give her some sort of permission, like, “Hey, you only live once—go for it!” or “Heck, you work hard, you deserve it!”

Or she might have been hoping for a bonding moment, a shared experience of being bad. Something along the lines of, “I hear ya. I’m going to pay for eating all these carbs!”

Lasting Impression
Although it lasted only a few seconds, the encounter left a lasting impression on me.

I was struck by her need to call attention to her food choice, especially to me, a complete stranger. It was as if she was trying to say, “I know better! I usually don’t eat like this so please don’t judge me based on this one food crime.”

Even though exchanges like these are quite common and normalized in our diet-obsessed culture, the entire episode left me feeling a little sad for her, for myself, for all of us. 

I actually could really relate to what the woman was experiencing because I saw myself in her. I likely would have said something similar when I was entrenched in diet culture, following a bunch of food rules and worried about what others might be thinking about my choices.

Toxic Diet Culture
This is what our toxic diet culture has done to us. 

It has convinced us that there are good and bad foods and that we’re either good or bad depending upon which list we choose from. 

It’s made us believe our food choices are a reflection of our character, value, worth, willpower and intelligence.

It has conditioned us to feel guilty and ashamed of our innate human desire to eat and enjoy pleasurable food. 

It’s trained us to think we need to apologize and atone for our so-called eating transgressions.

And, it’s caused us to waste a ton of time, energy and headspace thinking about what we should or shouldn’t eat.

Designed to Keep Us in Line
Food moralization is an oppressive belief system designed to keep us in line. In our attempt to conform, to be good, to obey the rules, many of us have developed a fraught relationship with food.

It doesn’t have to be this way. 

At any moment, you can decide to defy diet culture, cultivate a morally neutral relationship with food and ultimately reclaim your power.

Perhaps your first step is simply becoming more aware of when you judge your eating decisions—and thus yourself—as good or bad. Start to question whether this is really true and if such black-and-white labeling is helpful or harmful.

Stealing is Bad; Eating Food Isn’t
If I could go back in time to that buffet line, I would look at that woman with compassion and empathy and say something that may have helped her view the situation and her beliefs differently, something like: 

Are you stealing the food? No? Well, then there’s absolutely no reason to feel bad or guilty. Truly. Enjoy your breakfast. Lick the bowl clean. Don't look back.

My Front Tooth Broke Off. It Meant Restricting Food Again.

About a year ago, I broke my front tooth off—the entire thing!—when biting into the hard crust on a piece of toast. 

Naturally, I was quite alarmed when I felt a big gap in the front row of my teeth. Thankfully, it didn’t hurt, but it did really freak me out.

Turns out, a root canal I had decades earlier after a car accident had weakened my tooth. I had no idea it could potentially break off and didn’t have any indication that it was on the verge of doing so.

An emergency visit to my dentist resulted in a temporary tooth until I could have dental implant surgery. 

The fragility of the temporary tooth meant I had to limit what and how I ate to avoid breaking or pulling it off.

New Food Rules
For the first time since I gave up dieting, I had to restrict my eating.

After years spent overcoming all my food rules, I now had a new set of rules to follow.

Hard, tough, chewy, crunchy and sticky foods were pretty much off-limits. 

As I could no longer use my front teeth, biting into a sandwich, slice of pizza, bagel, apple and the like was a big no-no.

I had to cut my food into very small pieces which made eating a very slow and tedious process. 

Dental surgery, which happened about a month later, hurt like heck and cost a gazillion dollars, also came with another set of food rules. While recovering, I was instructed to only eat soft, cold, mild foods for a few weeks.

And, since I once again had a temporary tooth until the dental implant was ready for the final tooth, I also had to continue the initial eating restrictions for about another four months.

Restriction Resistance
If you’ve ever had dental surgery, you know all too well how painful it can be.

And, if you’ve reclaimed your ability to eat intuitively after a history of dieting and disordered eating, being told you need to restrict your eating again can bring up all sorts of complicated feelings and challenges.

For some, it can be a slippery slope back into past disordered eating behaviors; this was something I was conscientious of and careful about.

For many, like me, it can trigger a lot of resistance, frustration and anger.

Once you’ve had a taste of food freedom, it’s really hard to put limits on your eating again.

Even though I knew the restrictions were necessary and temporary, I was not a happy camper. 

It was the cold, rainy season when I had my dental surgery and I longed for a forbidden cup of hot tea and a bowl of warm soup. Cold food did not sound appealing at all.

Not being able to eat what I wanted made me feel deprived, unsatisfied and cranky.

Freedom and Ease
Throughout the entire ordeal, my eating was riddled with anxiety. 

While I once felt anxious about how every bite would impact my weight, I now felt anxious about how every bite might impact my tooth.

Just like when I was dieting, eating decisions felt complicated and stressful. There were times I didn’t even want to deal with food as it just felt too hard. 

Thankfully, I made it through that distressing period and was eventually able to resume my usual eating with one minor exception. To be on the safe side, my dentist advised me to avoid biting into anything hard with my front teeth going forward.

While there are times I long for the satisfaction of biting into a crisp apple rather than cutting it into small pieces, I’m totally on board with this minor limitation as I absolutely don’t want to repeat that painful, stressful and costly nightmare.

The entire experience reminded me of why I gave up dieting, and it gave me an even greater appreciation for the ability to eat with freedom and ease.