5 Thanksgiving Don'ts

Along with all the yummy food, the Thanksgiving holiday often comes with an unsavory serving of diet culture.

For a satisfying, peaceful eating experience, keep in mind these Thanksgiving don’ts:

1. You don’t have to earn it.
Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, you don’t have to do anything to earn your Thanksgiving meal. You don’t have to do an intense workout or not eat all day to deserve a spot at the table.

2. You don’t have to make up for it.
Just like you don’t have to earn the right to eat, you don’t have to make up for your eating after the holiday by working out extra hard, skipping meals or starting a cleanse or diet.

3. You don’t have to justify.
Whether it’s having seconds or thirds, filling your plate with mostly mashed potatoes, or eating pie for breakfast, you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. You have the right to eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

(For tips on handling the Food Police in your life, head on over to here.)

4. You don’t have to feel bad.
Diet culture wants you to feel bad, out of control, weak, guilty and ashamed for eating a lot. You don’t.

It’s normal to sometimes eat simply for pure pleasure and to sometimes eat until you're stuffed, especially when enjoying foods that are novel and only around for a brief period

5. You don’t have to participate.
Just like people who avoid discussing religion, politics and money, you don’t have to participate in diet and weight talk.

The easiest way to navigate it, especially when you’re dining with a wide range of people, is to nonchalantly change the subject.

For example, if your uncle starts raving about his latest diet or your mom comments on someone's weight, steer the conversation toward a different topic, such as “I’d love to know what shows everyone is into right now” or “What’s your favorite holiday memory?”

Of course, these five don’ts are helpful to practice not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year.

P.S. Consider taking a moment this Thanksgiving holiday to reflect on everything you appreciate about your body, whether it's your arms for enabling you to hug loved ones, your nose and tongue for helping you savor all the yummy food, or your eyes for witnessing the change of seasons.

A Birthday Party Wrapped in Diet Culture

What role does diet culture play in your life?

From the bakery line, dinner table and workplace to classrooms, doctors’ offices, TV shows and social media, diet culture is everywhere.

It has become so prevalent, normalized and accepted that it’s easy to not see it or question its impact, including the harm it can cause.

It’s completely understandable if you’re not quite sure what diet culture is. It’s a term a lot of people are unfamiliar with. However, once you understand what it means, you start to see it everywhere, including in your own life.

Diet Culture Defined
So what exactly is diet culture?

In her book, Anti-Diet, Christy Harrison sums up diet culture as:

“A system of beliefs that...

  • equates thinness, muscularity, and particular body shapes with health and moral virtue;

  • promotes weight loss and body reshaping as a means of attaining higher status;

  • demonizes certain foods and food groups while elevating others; and

  • oppresses people who don’t match its supposed picture of ‘health.’”


Wrapped in Diet Culture
Harrison goes on to give examples of diet culture, including skipping a birthday party because you’re afraid you’ll have to eat cake.

To further illustrate what diet culture looks like, let’s expand on this birthday party scenario.

Imagine it’s your nephew’s tenth birthday. You don’t want to attend his party because you don’t like how you look and you’re afraid you’ll lose control with the food that’s served.

You decide to go regardless because you love your family and value spending time with them.

On your way there, you listen to one of your favorite podcasts, which is sponsored by a weight-loss program that promises fast results and a detox tea endorsed by a celebrity.

When you arrive, you overhear your mom congratulating a cousin on her recent weight loss because diet culture has taught us to applaud weight loss as if it's someone’s greatest life achievement.

You reflect on how your cousin might feel if she gains the weight back, which inevitably happens to the majority of dieters. You know this all too well having “failed” countless diets over the years.

To avoid any comments your mom might make regarding the weight you’ve gained during one of the most traumatic years of our lives, you head right to the snack table. Once there, you’re relieved to discover a platter of crudité as carrot sticks and bell pepper strips are on your current diet’s green-light list.

While putting some veggies on a plate, your aunt praises you for being such a healthy eater, which is understandable as diet culture has trained us to put healthy eaters on a pedestal.

She goes on to say how bad she is because of all the chips and crackers she’s been snacking on. It’s hard to pay attention to her because you’re distracted with thoughts about how you can sneak some chocolate candy when no one is looking.

As you nibble on your crudité, you scan the bookshelf and observe how many of the diet books you also own. You laugh to yourself as you reflect on how we once believed eating fat was the worst thing we could possibly do. How misguided we all were!

Everyone gathers around when it’s time to cut the cake. You notice your eight-year-old niece is jumping up and down and clapping her hands with excited anticipation, likely because her parents rarely allow sweets in their house because, well you know, sugar is poison.

As cake slices are being distributed, your brother declines a piece because he’s not eating carbs, your mom asks for just a sliver because she’s watching her figure, and your uncle announces while accepting a slice that today is his cheat day.

A neighbor chimes in exclaiming how sinfully good the cake is. She then admits she will need to make up for eating it by working out extra hard later. Many of the guests laugh and nod in agreement.

Meanwhile, you graciously take a piece of cake and then hide it in the trashcan when no one is around because you’re afraid that once you start eating it you’ll never stop.

Leaving the kitchen, you spot your niece quietly slip off to her bedroom with another plate of cake. You see yourself in her as you, too, started sneaking food when you were young to avoid getting in trouble for eating the foods you loved. You understood that eating those "bad" foods made you a bad kid, so of course you didn't want to get caught.

As the party wraps us, your sister-in-law attempts to send the leftover cake and snacks home with everyone because she doesn’t trust herself with all that food in the house, well, except for the raw vegetables.

Some family members talk about getting dinner after the party but your sister declines because she doesn’t eat after 6 p.m. You pass as well because you don’t want to be tempted to eat anything that’s off-plan, especially after being so good all day.

On the way home, exhausted from being so hyper-vigilant about your eating, you stop to pick up a salad because it sounds more appealing than the meal-replacement shake you’re supposed to have for dinner. You end up ordering pizza, breadsticks and a brownie because, understandably, you feel deprived and unsatisfied. While it all tastes delicious the experience is tainted by feelings of guilt and shame. You get angry with yourself for your lack of willpower and self-discipline.

In bed that night you scroll through Instagram looking at before-and-after photos, clean eating tips and bikini-body workouts while promising yourself that tomorrow you’ll get back on track.

Diet Culture's Harmful Impact
While everyone at the party meant well—after all, we all swim in this same toxic stew—most people don’t understand how damaging diet culture can be. The amount of harm and unnecessary suffering it causes is vast, from food fears and body mistrust to weight stigma and eating disorders.

More than anything, it keeps you from focusing on more meaningful, fulfilling things and participating fully in life.

You Can Opt Out
I believe in body autonomy, including the right to diet and eat however you want. However, if engaging with diet culture isn’t working for you, you can opt out.

Although diet culture is pervasive, you can minimize your participation in it, from unfollowing diet-culture accounts on social media and setting boundaries regarding diet and weight talk to reclaiming your ability to eat intuitively and embracing body diversity.

I think you’ll discover, as both my clients and I have, that by opting out of diet culture, you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders—and you’ll no longer be afraid of birthday parties.

For a deeper dive into diet culture, I highly recommend reading Anti-Diet. For a shorter read, check out this article. Both of these are great resources to share with friends and family members. If you want support with recovering from diet culture, I’m here for you.

My Mom Talks About Dieting Nonstop! How to Ditch Diet & Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s size, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk have become.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, tempts you to try one last diet and other disordered behaviors, or feels stigmatizing, oppressive and downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to.

  • Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?

  • We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more interesting, fun and fulfilling subjects?

  • I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending me any info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?

  • All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?

  • I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?

  • I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support.