You Don't Have to Earn Your Pie. Or Make Up For It.

Along with all the delicious food, the Thanksgiving holiday often comes with an unsavory serving of diet culture.

For a pleasurable, peaceful eating experience, keep in mind these Thanksgiving don’ts:

1. You don’t have to earn it.
Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, you don’t have to do anything to earn your Thanksgiving meal. You don’t have to do an intense workout or not eat all day to deserve a spot at the table. 

2. You don’t have to make up for it.
Just like you don’t have to earn the right to eat, you don’t have to make up for your eating after the holiday by working out extra hard, skipping meals or starting a cleanse or diet.

3. You don’t have to justify it.
Whether it’s having seconds or thirds, filling your plate with mostly mashed potatoes, or eating pie for breakfast, you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. You have the right to eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

4. You don’t have to feel bad.
Diet culture wants you to feel bad, out of control, weak, guilty and ashamed for eating a lot. You don’t.

It’s normal to sometimes eat simply for pleasure and to sometimes eat until you're stuffed, especially when enjoying foods that are novel and only around for a brief period.

5. You don’t have to participate.
Just like people who avoid discussing religion, politics and money, you don’t have to participate in diet and weight talk.

One approach for navigating it, especially when dining with a wide range of people, is to nonchalantly change the subject.

For example, if your cousin starts raving about his latest diet or your mom comments on someone's weight, steer the conversation toward a different topic, such as “I’d love to know what shows everyone is into right now” or “What’s your favorite holiday memory?”

Of course, these five don’ts are helpful to practice not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year.

My Exercise Police Ran Me Ragged. How I Finally Broke Free.

How would you describe your relationship with exercise?

Since I was a kid, I’ve loved moving my body in all sorts of ways, from riding my big wheel and playing hide-and-seek in my neighborhood to roller skating at the local rink and dancing around my family room while watching Fame. 

I participated on my school’s soccer, swim and volleyball teams and got my first pair of hand weights on my 15th birthday. 

I was also an aerobics fanatic for years (starting with Jane Fonda in the early 80s) before moving on to other activities like Tae Bo, spinning, hiking, pilates and yoga. 

Ran Me Ragged
During my most intense dieting years, I became obsessed with working out, especially with running. 

I pounded the pavement early every morning, meticulously tracked the miles I ran and the calories I burned, and trained nonstop for marathons. 

I ran in crappy weather, when I was hungry, ill and injured, and when I was supposed to be at work. I almost missed more than one flight because I just had to squeeze in a few more miles before I left for the airport.

While I loved running, my relationship with it at that time was extremely disordered and unhealthy. It wasn’t driven by my body’s needs but rather it was dictated by my Exercise Police, a very strict internal voice that was running me ragged.

Enforce Exercise Rules
Like your internal Food Police, the voice in your head that tries to enforce food moralism and the unreasonable food rules our diet and wellness cultures have created, your inner Exercise Police is the voice in your head that tries to enforce rules regarding what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to movement.

My Exercise Police voice was bossy, relentless and terribly fatphobic. Perhaps you can relate to some of these things it would say to me…

• It’s not considered exercise unless you get your heart rate up or break a sweat. 

• You must work out for at least # minutes otherwise it doesn’t count.

• You can’t stop until you go a certain distance or time or burn a specific number of calories.

• If you skip a workout, you need to eat less to make up for it.

• No matter how your body is feeling, you have to do the workout you planned.

• It’s not worth it if it doesn’t burn very many calories.

• If you don’t work out today, you’ll have to work out twice as hard tomorrow.

• You don’t have the right body for that sport or type of exercise.

• If you eat “badly,” you have to work out to make up for it.

• If you want a “bad” food, you have to work out to earn it.

• If you don’t exercise, you’re bad, lazy, undisciplined and unhealthy.

• If you miss one workout, you’ll lose strength and stamina and gain weight.

• If it doesn’t result in weight loss, there’s no point in doing it.

Does any of this sound familiar? I bet you can think of some rules that aren't on this list. 

Squash Joy and Connection
Like me, when your Exercise Police voice is driving your decision-making, you may find yourself frequently ignoring the messages your body is sending you, like pain or fatigue, to adhere to your exercise rules. 

You may also find yourself feeling less motivated to move, dreading your workouts, pushing your body beyond its limits, experiencing frequent injuries, exercising when you’re sick and in perilous weather, or prioritizing exercise over friends and family.

With its very black-and-white, all-or-nothing approach to movement, your Exercise Police likely amplifies your stress rather than alleviates it, leaves you feeling depleted instead of invigorated, and makes you feel guilty and ashamed when you break a rule.

Basically, your Exercise Police sucks all the fun and joy out of movement and disconnects you from your innate body wisdom.

How to Break Free
The good news is that you can break free from your internal Exercise Police by recognizing its presence, challenging its commands, defying its rules, and giving yourself permission to experiment with other possibilities based on what feels right to you and your body.

Instead of adhering to external rules, plans or authorities when it comes to movement (and eating!), listen to your internal cues. This means checking in with your body and honoring what it truly needs and desires.

Perhaps it’s gentle stretching instead of a fast-paced yoga class, a relaxing walk versus a vigorous run, or a kitchen dance party rather than a boot camp workout. 

Or maybe it’s a rest day, a soak in the tub, or a nap!

Intuitive Movement
Asking yourself the following questions can help move you toward a more intuitive, flexible, balanced and enjoyable relationship with movement.

• What does my body truly need and desire right now?

• Why am I doing this? What’s my motivation and does it align with my values?   

• If this activity had zero capacity to decrease my weight, would I still do it?

• How is this movement making me feel?

• Does this feel kind and respectful to my body?

• Does this feel pleasurable or punitive?

• Is this alleviating or amplifying my stress?

• Is this energizing or exhausting me?

• What would a more flexible, balanced approach look like?

• Am I having fun right now? If not, what would be more fun?

Questions like these helped me transform my relationship with movement and continue to be a source of support whenever my Exercise Police voice tries to take control and enforce its rules. Yes, just like my Food Police voice, after all these years it still occasionally pops up.

Beware of Exercise Moralism
Despite what our diet, wellness and fitness cultures want us to believe, exercise isn’t a moral obligation. 

How you choose to move your body, including choosing to not exercise at all, isn’t a reflection of your moral character. It's also important to keep in mind that it's a privilege to even have a choice.

Just like with food, your exercise choices do not make you a good or bad, superior or inferior person.

What matters most is that you honor what works the best for you and feels the best for your body.

Sadly, it took me many years and multiple injuries before I was willing to admit that my relationship with exercise—and my body—needed to change. 

I’m grateful I finally did the hard work required to break free from my Exercise Police and all its harmful rules as doing so improved almost every aspect of my life. 

It also restored the sense of ease, freedom and fun I experienced with movement when I was a kid—but not the desire to somersault down a hill again!

It's Okay to Eat This. I've Had a Bad Day!

Does the following sound familiar?

“Screw it! I’m going to eat whatever I want. I’ve had a bad day!”

If you can relate to this, it’s completely understandable. It’s how diet culture has conditioned us to think.

Special Circumstances Only
Diet culture tells us we’re only allowed to eat certain foods under special circumstances.

It makes us believe it’s okay to eat cake at a birthday party but not on a regular ol’ Tuesday.

It drives us to think we can eat whatever we want on vacation as long as we get back on track once we’re home.

It tells us we can eat "bad" foods on the weekend, yet they are off-limits on weekdays.

It grants us permission to order dessert when celebrating a special occasion but not on an ordinary night out.

It gives us a free pass to eat forbidden foods on holidays but no other time of the year.

It causes us to believe we only deserve to eat what we want when we’re suffering, like after a bad day. 

And, it's all a bunch of B.S. The truth is:

You have the right to eat whatever you desire today—and every day of the year.

You don’t need a special reason, other than it’s what you want.

Diet Mentality vs. Non-Diet Mentality
If you feel the need to justify your food choices, you’re likely operating from a deeply ingrained diet mentality—one that includes a lot of rules and beliefs regarding what’s okay and not okay when it comes to eating.

Your experience is much different than if you’re operating from a non-diet mentality—that is, if you’re eating intuitively.

If you’re an Intuitive Eater, you truly know you have unconditional permission to eat whatever you want, whenever you want (of course, depending on what food is accessible to you).

You don’t feel the need to give yourself special permission to eat certain foods during certain times because you know you can eat them anytime they’re available.

If you want to move toward greater peace, ease and freedom with food, you can start by replacing any justifications, excuses or conditions for your eating with “It’s okay to eat this because it’s what I want.