It's Okay to Eat This. I've Had a Bad Day!

Does the following sound familiar?

“Screw it! I’m going to eat whatever I want. I’ve had a bad day!”

If you can relate to this, it’s completely understandable. It’s how diet culture has conditioned us to think.

Special Circumstances Only
Diet culture tells us we’re only allowed to eat certain foods under special circumstances.

It makes us believe it’s okay to eat cake at a birthday party but not on a regular ol’ Tuesday.

It drives us to think we can eat whatever we want on vacation as long as we get back on track once we’re home.

It tells us we can eat "bad" foods on the weekend, yet they are off-limits on weekdays.

It grants us permission to order dessert when celebrating a special occasion but not on an ordinary night out.

It gives us a free pass to eat forbidden foods on holidays but no other time of the year.

It causes us to believe we only deserve to eat what we want when we’re suffering, like after a bad day. 

And, it's all a bunch of B.S. The truth is:

You have the right to eat whatever you desire today—and every day of the year.

You don’t need a special reason, other than it’s what you want.

Diet Mentality vs. Non-Diet Mentality
If you feel the need to justify your food choices, you’re likely operating from a deeply ingrained diet mentality—one that includes a lot of rules and beliefs regarding what’s okay and not okay when it comes to eating.

Your experience is much different than if you’re operating from a non-diet mentality—that is, if you’re eating intuitively.

If you’re an Intuitive Eater, you truly know you have unconditional permission to eat whatever you want, whenever you want (of course, depending on what food is accessible to you).

You don’t feel the need to give yourself special permission to eat certain foods during certain times because you know you can eat them anytime they’re available.

If you want to move toward greater peace, ease and freedom with food, you can start by replacing any justifications, excuses or conditions for your eating with “It’s okay to eat this because it’s what I want.

Today, I'm Getting Back On Track!

Today, I’m getting back on track!

How many Mondays have you said this to yourself?

How many times have you started your week with promises to eat better, eat less, eat clean, eat perfectly?

This used to be my weekly pattern.

I would lie in bed on Sunday night regretting how badly I felt I had eaten all weekend.

To quiet my inner food police and alleviate the guilt, shame and anxiety I felt, I’d promise myself that, starting tomorrow, things would be different.

Full of Hope
I’d wake up Monday feeling excited and hopeful about getting my act together.

Often, I’d be “good” and feel in control for the first few days of the week.

By Thursday night, however, things would start to fall apart. My discipline and willpower would begin to diminish.

I’d find myself obsessing about food, giving into my cravings, breaking my food rules, and reuniting with all the “bad” foods I declared off-limits on Monday.

I would try to fight it for a while, but eventually, I’d just throw my hands in the air exclaiming, “What the hell! I might as well just go for it because come Monday, I’m never letting myself do this again!”

Endless Cycle
Every weekend became a Last Supper.

It was an endless, exhausting cycle.

When I finally hit rock bottom and realized how damaging my diet mentality was, I began taking steps toward healing my relationship with food and my body.

This included breaking up with diet culture, ditching my diet mentality and food rules, and learning how to eat intuitively again.

Of course, this didn’t happen overnight.

Intuitive Eating is not a quick fix. It is, however, a pathway to freedom.

Since there are no rules and no illegal foods, there's no possibility of being bad, failing the plan and getting thrown in dieting jail.

Just Another Day
Now, Mondays are just another day for me.

The idea of “getting back on track” doesn’t enter my mind on the first day—or any day—of the week.

If you have a pattern of "starting over tomorrow" with your eating, please know that the desire to do so is completely understandable. It's natural to turn toward whatever might make you feel better.

However, instead of being stuck on this emotionally-draining roller coaster, I invite you to reflect on how it would feel to have a steady, peaceful relationship with food. How might your life change if every day of eating was just another day?

Do You Think About Food Nonstop?

Do you spend a lot of time, energy and headspace thinking about food?

Is it hard to focus on work, concentrate on a book or show, or stay present while socializing because you’re distracted by thoughts about what you’re allowed to eat, when you’re allowed to eat, what you shouldn’t have eaten, or what you really want to eat but won’t let yourself have?

If this describes your experience, it’s most likely because:

1/ You are not eating enough

and/or

2/ You are not eating what you really want

If you are restricting your food intake because you’re following a plan, program or rules that dictate your eating, it’s only natural that you will feel both physically and psychologically deprived and thus feel preoccupied with food.*


Not About Willpower, Discipline or Addiction
Constant thoughts about food are not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline or food addiction, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe.

When your very wise body is not getting its nourishment needs met because it’s experiencing hunger and food deprivation, it will do everything it can to get you to eat, including flooding your mind with thoughts of food.

In order to stop obsessing about food, you need to:

1/ Honor Your Hunger
Eat as soon as possible when your hunger sensations surface—or before they do if you anticipate becoming hungry yet circumstances won’t enable you to stop and eat (e.g., a work situation where eating isn’t possible).

If you feel disconnected from your hunger cues, which can happen if you have a history of ignoring or suppressing them, set a reminder to check in with your body at regular intervals to assess your hunger level and honor its needs.

2/ Eat Unconditionally
Give yourself full, unconditional permission to eat whatever you want whenever you want—assuming you have access to it and don’t have any limitations due to a health condition, such as a nut allergy or celiac disease.

For some, this approach to eating may sound reckless. It isn’t. It's about letting your internal cues guide your eating decisions instead of external rules and eating whatever tastes and feels the most satisfying to you.


Be Aware of Pseudo-Permission
Be aware, however, that it is possible to believe you are giving yourself unconditional permission to eat when you’re actually giving yourself pseudo-permission.

Pseudo-permission means you are granting yourself permission to eat something while simultaneously depriving yourself of it in the future.

This often shows up with thoughts such as “It’s okay if I eat pancakes for breakfast as long as I don’t eat any carbs for the rest of the day” or “I’ll let myself eat these chips, but I’m not going to buy them again for a long time” or “I can eat sweets on the weekend but not on weekdays.”

If you still find yourself consumed by food thoughts after practicing “unconditional eating” for a long time, it’s quite likely you are actually just giving yourself pseudo-permission to eat by putting conditions on your eating.

This is completely understandable, especially if you have a deeply engrained diet mentality, which can operate on a subconscious level and take time to let go of.


Space for More Fulfilling Things
When your body’s nourishment needs are fully satisfied and you no longer feel a sense of deprivation or scarcity, food will take a balanced place in your life.

You will think about food much less, ultimately freeing up space for more fulfilling, meaningful things.

If you have a long history of dieting and disordered eating, honoring your hunger and giving yourself unconditional permission to eat will likely feel very scary and challenging at first.

Your eating may feel off-kilter or out-of-sorts for a while; this is a normal part of the process. Once you and your body truly trust that your needs will be consistently met, these feelings will subside.

It’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself and to get support, whether from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, nutritionist, online community, podcast or all of the above.

I encourage you to also keep reminding yourself of what’s on the other side of this sometimes hard and messy healing work: a peaceful, balanced and liberating relationship with food.

*It’s important to note that these feelings can also be due to food insecurity if you don’t have reliable access to enough food because of financial constraints or other barriers. If this is the case, I encourage you to seek out local food banks and public assistance programs. Here’s a good place to start.