My Last Last Supper. It Involved A Lot of Bread.

Many years ago, I went to see a naturopath about some health challenges I was having. As part of my treatment, she asked me to eliminate some foods from my diet, including gluten. Desperate to feel better, I agreed to do so.

I gave myself one last week to eat all my favorite gluten-containing foods.

During those last few days, I vividly recall feasting on artisanal sourdough loaves from my beloved local bread maker. 

I also raided all my favorite bakeries loading up on blueberry scones, chocolate chip cookies, veggie focaccia, chocolate fudge cake, and yes, more bread.

The idea of future deprivation drove this intense phase of one-last-shot, now-or-never eating. I happily gorged on gluten while simultaneously grieving the end of our relationship.

Can you relate to this behavior?

It’s called Last Supper Eating.

Farewell-to-Food Feast
Before embarking on a new diet, plan or program, have you ever found yourself eating everything in sight, especially the foods that will soon be forbidden?

Or perhaps you planned one last elaborate meal featuring all the dishes that would be off-limits starting tomorrow.

If you’re a yo-yo dieter, you’re likely very familiar with this pre-dieting ritual. Maybe it occurs every Sunday night before you get back on track on Monday.

Like many of my clients, you may view this period of intense, frantic consumption—which is often followed by overwhelming guilt—as “proof” that you need to restrict your eating because you simply can’t control yourself around food.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The threat of food restriction can naturally trigger a Last Supper, farewell-to-food feast. It’s human nature to respond this way when deprivation and scarcity are just around the corner.

Yet, it’s so easy to go into self-blame and shame.

How to End Last Supper Eating
Intuitive Eating puts an end to Last Supper Eating.

With Intuitive Eating, there is no deprivation. You have unconditional permission to eat whatever looks good, tastes good, and feels good in your body.

Instead of depriving yourself and eating according to a set of rules, you ask yourself questions such as: What will hit the spot? What will satisfy my needs and desires? Is this satisfying? Do I like how it tastes and how it makes my body feel? Would I do anything differently next time?

In the Driver's Seat
When I started reclaiming my ability to eat intuitively, I asked myself if I actually liked the gluten-free foods I was eating.

The gluten-free bread, for example, was tolerable. It wasn’t delicious. It was simply an expensive vehicle for nut butter.

Since it wasn’t medically necessary for me to eliminate gluten (i.e., I don’t have celiac disease), I experimented with eating my beloved breads again, along with other gluten-containing foods—and my body felt just fine.

Although well-intentioned, the diet the naturopath put me on didn’t improve my health. It only caused a lot of unnecessary stress and left me feeling deprived and unsatisfied, which always backfires.

As an Intuitive Eater, I'm in the driver's seat. 

I determine what works best for me by staying attuned to the messages my body sends and focusing on what's satisfying.

If I skip a particular food because I don’t like how it tastes or feels in my body, I don’t view it as deprivation as I know I can have it if I truly want it, now or in the future.

It's such a relief to know I’ve had my last Last Supper.

Food Freedom: Clients Share What It Means to Them

A big part of my work is helping people escape diet culture with all its punitive rules and restrictions and instead enjoy an ongoing sense of freedom with food.

Over the years, I’ve talked a lot about what food freedom means to me. 

For today’s newsletter, I'm excited to have some of my clients share what food freedom means to them. I find their responses to be incredibly inspiring. Perhaps, you will, too.

Clients Share What Food Freedom Means
“To me, food freedom means I only eat foods I actually enjoy. In the past, I would force myself to eat foods from my limited list of approved foods even if it wasn’t what I was craving. Now I’m able to make food choices based both on what I want taste- and texture-wise and what would make me feel my best in my body.” –Heather

“Food freedom means forgetting what I ate earlier and not stressing about what I will eat later.” –Adriana

“Food freedom means I am released from the diet culture judgment I used to impose on every food decision. That could mean choosing a crisp, crunchy salad if that sounds good to my body and not because I’m trying to be ‘healthy.’ It also means buying Oreos or chocolate at the store if a sweet treat sounds good.” –Emily

“Without food rules holding me back, I feel calm, peaceful and just happy enjoying messy meals as a family with our active toddler. I love cooking with my daughter and watching her explore the different dishes we've created, trying new textures and foods as we go.” –Ellen

“Food freedom means having multiple jars of nut butter in the house at once and knowing I won't (and don't need to!) binge on them. A close second is being able to eat at restaurants and not plan out what I will eat in advance or starve myself beforehand.” –Meredith

“It means the freedom to choose without guilt how I want to nourish myself. It means I give myself unconditional permission to eat whatever/whenever, so there is no sense of scarcity or repression that would cause me to want to rebel against myself.” –S.Y. 

“Food freedom means having time to do a million more fun and important things than recording, tracking and worrying about what I eat. It means trust in myself to know when I'm hungry, when I've had enough, what I feel like eating, what is best for me and that I'll be OK even on bad body image days.” –Katja

“Food freedom is eating exactly what I want, enjoying it without anxiety or guilt, and not giving what I ate any thought when finished. I simply move on with my day.” –Janelle

What Does It Mean to You?
If food freedom is something you desire, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the following questions.

What does food freedom mean to you? How would it look and feel? 

How would your life change if you escaped diet culture and gave yourself unconditional permission to eat freely?

If you have barriers, such as dietary restrictions due to a health condition, how can you imagine still feeling some sense of food freedom?

What small step can take this week to bring you closer to food freedom?

May you always remember that everyone deserves to eat with a sense of peace, ease and freedom—including you.

My Food Police Spoiled My Vacations

Many years ago, my boyfriend and I were walking down a quiet cobblestone street in a small Turkish town when we encountered the most delicious aroma. Upon investigation, we discovered it was coming from a small, nondescript bakery on the side of the road.

We poked our heads in and were intrigued by a tray on the counter piled high with flakey, coiled pastries sprinkled with sesame seeds. We had no idea what they were and didn’t speak Turkish but eagerly bought one.

Back on the street, we tore into the roll. It was slightly sweet, crispy on the outside, and soft and tender on the inside.

Its flavor was unlike anything we’d ever tasted before. It took a minute to figure out the star ingredient was tahini and only seconds to decide we wanted more.

With our sticky fingers, we turned right back around, reentered the bakery and purchased more of those glorious rolls.

Momentarily Pleasurable
Unfortunately, this moment of pure pleasure didn’t last long.

It was quickly spoiled by my inner Food Police, the voice in my head that was always trying to make me feel bad, guilty and ashamed about my eating.

This critical, punitive voice berated me for eating something so caloric. It calculated all the miles I would need to run to make up for it. It told me it would be a good idea to skip dinner.

It made me feel remorseful, irritable and distracted.

All this relentless noise in my head turned me into a cranky travel companion and prevented me, and sadly my boyfriend, too, from fully enjoying the rest of our day.

Post-Vacation Compensation
My pastry experience was not unique. It happened over and over again on that vacation and many others with any food I considered bad, fattening or unhealthy.

Despite giving myself a “free pass” to eat whatever I wanted while traveling (WTH, I’m on vacation!), thanks to my dieting mindset, my eating was never truly free.

There was always a sense that I would have to pay for it, that I would need to undo the “damage” I had caused when I got home by restricting my eating and ramping up my exercise.

It’s understandable that I thought this way. Perhaps you have, too.

Diet culture with its anti-fat underpinning has normalized the belief that any sort of food “indulgence” needs to be compensated for with a diet, detox, cleanse, fast, workout, etc.

Just think about how many times you or your vacation companions have said something like “I’ll need to make up for all this eating when I get home!” or “My diet starts the day I return!” or “I’m cutting out carbs the minute I’m back!”

Because comments like these are so common and relatable thanks to our pervasive diet culture, most people will laugh, nod their heads in agreement and respond with a “Me too!” or “I hear ya!”

Guilt-Free Vacation Eating
What if it didn’t have to be this way? What if your vacation wasn’t tainted by worries about what you ate and how you’re going to make up for it? What if you could enjoy whatever you wanted and just move on?

Part of the process of making peace with food includes challenging your diet mentality and anti-fat bias, firing your inner Food Police, and truly giving yourself unconditional permission to eat—not just while you’re on vacation but every day of the year.

I absolutely love trying local foods when I travel. Doing so became so much more pleasurable once I healed my relationship with food and began eating with guilt-free gusto. It makes me wish I could go back to that bakery and do it all over.