How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Eating
/Does your eating often make you feel guilty?
When you feel guilty about your eating, it’s likely a sign you have a “food rule” you’d benefit from challenging.
A food rule is a belief regarding what is or isn’t allowed when it comes to your eating. Here are some common ones:
No eating after 7 p.m.
I can only eat a set number of macros, calories or points a day.
No snacking between meals.
High-carb foods are off-limits (e.g., greens are good; bread and pasta are bad).
Every meal must contain a certain number of protein grams.
I’m allowed one cheat day a week.
Foods made with white flour, added sugars, etc. are forbidden.
If it’s not organic, I can’t eat it.
Gluten is a no-no (even though I don’t have celiac disease or a gluten intolerance).
I shouldn’t eat if I’m not hungry.
Sugary drinks, processed foods and fast food are prohibited.
Sweets can only be eaten on the weekend.
No seconds.
Naturally, when you follow your rules, you likely feel proud, successful and good about yourself.
When you don’t adhere to your rules, you likely feel guilty, like a failure and bad about yourself. Breaking your rules may also trigger feelings of shame, stress, anxiety, fear, frustration, disappointment, anger and hopelessness.
Well-Intentioned, Often Problematic
Although often well-intentioned, there are many problems with food rules. For example, they…
Disregard your body’s wisdom and needs, including its internal cues of hunger, fullness and satisfaction.
Dictate your food choices regardless of how your body feels.
Dismiss your food preferences and desires.
Generate feelings of deprivation, which often results in obsessive food thoughts, intense cravings and frequent overeating.
Provoke a make-up mentality (e.g., I must compensate for eating dessert by skipping breakfast or exercising longer tomorrow).
Inject unwarranted morality into your relationship with food (e.g., I'm good if I eat this, bad if I eat that).
Cultivate a mistrustful relationship with yourself, your body and food.
Lead to secret eating, social anxiety and isolation (e.g., I’ll be too tempted to eat bad foods at the party; it’s safer to just stay home.).
Prevent you from being flexible, relaxed and spontaneous in different eating environments and having fun with food.
Decrease self-esteem and self-confidence.
Consume headspace, time and energy that could be devoted to more fulfilling, meaningful, productive and pleasurable things.
Challenge Your Rules
If you want to stop experiencing all the unnecessary guilt and suffering your food rules cause, I encourage you to identify and challenge them, including examining how they impact you and your life.
With a curious, nonjudgmental mind, ask yourself:
Where did this rule come from? Is it helpful or harmful? Is it based on my own internal experience or an external source (e.g., diet or wellness culture)? Is it truly honoring, respecting and being kind to my body? Is it reasonable, sustainable, pleasurable and satisfying? Is it flexible enough for my life? Is it preventing me from having a peaceful relationship with food and living my life fully?
Follow the Clues
Some of your rules may be top of mind and others may be buried deeper, like lingering rules from past diets or your childhood home you aren’t aware you’re still adhering to.
If you’re unsure if you have food rules, pay attention to “should” or “shouldn’t” thoughts and feelings like guilt, shame, stress and anxiety that arise from your eating. These clues will point you toward your rules.
If you have trouble identifying or releasing your food rules, yet know you would benefit from doing so, consider getting support from an Intuitive Eating-informed practitioner.
Despite what our diet culture wants you to believe, you and your body can be trusted. You absolutely have the innate capacity to nourish yourself without following food rules or feeling any guilt.
