My Unhealthy Obsession with Healthy Eating

The other day, I went to the grocery store to buy cough drops.

I scanned the packages looking for a flavor that sounded appealing.

In less than a minute, I grabbed the honey cherry drops and headed to the cashier hopeful the lozenges would soon soothe my aching throat and nagging cough.

Reflecting on this quick, easy transaction, I was struck once again by how much my relationship with food has changed.

Hyper-Fixated on Quality
Years ago, when I was entrenched in diet and wellness culture, not only was I obsessed with the number of calories I ate, I was also hyper-fixated on the quality of the food I consumed.

While I had long been interested in healthy eating, it wasn't until I began training to become a health coach that my interest in healthy eating escalated to a point where I agonized over the purity of nearly every single morsel I put in my mouth.

I can vividly remember once when I had a cold kneeling on the floor of my local pharmacy analyzing the back of the cough drop packages to determine which one had the highest-quality ingredients and lowest amount of sugar.

I wasted hours going to multiple neighborhood drug stores that day in search of the “healthiest” cough drops—time that would have been far better spent resting in bed.

Agonized Over Every Decision
My cough drop incident stands out to me as it epitomizes how extreme my behavior had become.

At the time, however, I couldn’t see it.

Preoccupied with eating perfectly, I couldn’t see how disordered my relationship with food was and how this was impacting my overall wellbeing, including how overwhelmed I was by everyday decisions.

Should I buy the local cow-milk yogurt or the mass-produced soy yogurt?

Should I get the expensive gluten-free bread from the freezer section or the cheaper whole-wheat bread fresh from the bakery in town?

Should I go for the wilting bunch of locally grown kale or the perkier kale that was packaged in a plastic bag and shipped from another country?

From green juices and protein bars to hummus and spaghetti sauce, I’d take so much time scrutinizing every label and sweating every detail that my boyfriend refused to keep shopping with me.  

More Rules and Restrictions
My obsession with eating clean and maintaining my reputation as a healthy eater added another layer of rules and restrictions on top of the already long list of food rules I followed in attempt to shrink my body.

I’d snub my nose at salmon that wasn’t wild, apples that weren't farm fresh, and tomatoes that were out of season.

If an almond butter had added oils or sugar, it stayed on the shelf. I wouldn’t touch strawberries that weren’t organic. I turned my back on anything made with refined flour.

Most regrettably, I shunned family favorites and food traditions if they contained “bad” ingredients.

Harming My Health
While I didn’t know it at the time, I was struggling with orthorexia—an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating.

I believed my high standards and food moralism were improving my wellbeing when they were actually harming my physical, mental, emotional and social health. 

Naturally, my rigid rules turned me into a rigid person.

As more and more foods became demonized and off-limits, eating in an environment where I wouldn’t have control of my options became extremely difficult.

I feared going to restaurants and dinner parties. Work lunches, happy hours, birthday celebrations and wedding receptions caused me anxiety. Traveling to new locales became stressful.

I was no longer the flexible, spontaneous and carefree eater I used to be.

Instead, I was wasting an inordinate amount of time, energy, money and headspace doing what our diet and wellness culture had told me was the healthy, correct thing to do.

Healthy Relationship with Food
Thankfully, with the help of some wise guides, I was finally able to see how disordered my relationship with food had become.

I came to understand that healthy eating, first and foremost, means having a healthy relationship with food.

To me, that means one that’s peaceful, relaxed, flexible, satisfying, trusting and intuitive.

Of course, while I no longer have food rules, I still have some food preferences.

However, I no longer stress out or feel guilty if I’m unable to eat exactly what I want. I just eat and move on.

And, wow, has this made my eating—and my life—so much easier and so much more enjoyable.

If you relate to any of my story, I encourage you to see support from a non-diet, weight-neutral practitioner, whether it’s a therapist, nutritionist, coach or counselor. I’m here for you if need me.

Confused About What to Eat? You're Not Alone

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Researchers Find Red Meat is Good for Your Health

Yes, Bacon Really is Killing Us

Every day, we’re bombarded with headlines like these—along with social media posts, documentaries, celebrity testimonials, podcast remarks, friends’ comments, and so on—that can easily send us tumbling down yet another path in search of a better body or optimal health.

So if you’re confused about what to eat, you’re definitely not alone.

One of the exercises I do with my clients is a review of all the diets, plans and programs they’ve experimented with over the years. They’re often shocked to see the long list of things they’ve tried, often beginning in their teens.

We talk about what they learned from their experiences. One of the biggest takeaways is how much time, energy and money they have spent with very little to show for it other than being more confused and frustrated than ever—and more distrusting of themselves and their body.

Then we talk about how, with Intuitive Eating, they can stop getting pulled in multiple directions by the nonstop flood of mixed messages.

When you return to the Intuitive Eater you came into this world as, you no longer feel confused, alarmed, tempted or swayed by the latest "eat this, not that" headlines because you trust and rely on your body’s internal cues instead of external rules and “experts” to guide you.

Rather than turning to outsiders (who couldn’t possibly know what your body wants and needs), you turn inward by listening to the messages your body is sending you.

Doing so gives you the awareness, insight and clarity you need to do what’s best for your utterly unique being. And, it gives you the confidence to discern when outside information is helpful and true for you—and when it’s not.

In short: you are the expert of your body. Rediscovering this inherent expertise is at the heart of Intuitive Eating.

It’s not a quick fix.

It’s an empowering pathway back to yourself—and to peace and ease with food and your body.

"At best, dueling headlines trigger confusion. At worst, they contribute to a growing food phobia. The negative impact of worry and stress over healthy eating may have a more profound effect on health than the actual food consumed." —Resch & Tribole, Intuitive Eating

A Bowlful of Moroccan Memories

I just spent a very memorable few weeks road tripping around Morocco.

It’s truly a beautiful country from its undulating sand dunes in the Sahara, striking mountains and dramatic gorges studded with Berber villages, and coastlines dotted with sardine fishing boats...

...to its endless groves of olive, pomegranate and orange trees, lush valleys lined with date palms and deep-red kasbahs, and imperial cities with their ancient medinas and ornate riads.

Sunset Camel trek in the sahara desert

Local Food Scene
One of my favorite things about traveling is learning about the local food scene, from what’s growing in the fields to what’s cooking in the kitchen. I love talking to locals about what they eat and how they make it (and they love to tell me!).

In Morocco, I was really struck by the simplicity of their breakfast (compared to, say, a green smoothie loaded with a dozen different ingredients).

Numerous Moroccans shared that their typical morning meal consists of tearing pieces off a flat, round, crusty loaf of wheat bread then dipping them in olive oil. This is accompanied by the country’s most beloved beverage, mint tea.

They might also eat bissara, a hearty yet simple soup made with dried fava beans or sometimes green split peas. It’s often topped with a heavy drizzle of olive oil and spices, like cumin, paprika or cayenne.

Bissara was one of my favorite Moroccan dishes. I bought it from a street vendor for around 50 cents. It was deeply nourishing and satisfying.

My first bowl of bissara made by a street vendor in fez.

Soup for Breakfast
I love the idea of a belly-warming soup for breakfast, especially on cold mornings (which occur pretty much year-round in San Francisco!).

While not common in the U.S., many countries eat soup for breakfast, from miso soup in Japan and pho in Vietnam to mohinga in Myanmar.

Eating soup for breakfast is actually something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while. I’ve perused recipes, but nothing tempted my early morning taste buds—until now.

Super Simple, Super Healthy
What I love about bissara is that it’s super simple (and dirt cheap) to make—the recipes my Moroccan friends shared contained only three or four ingredients. Plus, it’s packed with protein, fat and fiber, which will keep you going all morning long.

Now that I’ve recovered from my jetlag, I’m going to cook up a big pot this weekend.

I’ve found a variety of bissara (or bessara) recipes online, some more elaborate than others. I’m planning to start with this one. It includes more seasoning than the basic recipes I learned in Morocco, however, I’m a fan of bold flavors.

Not only will bissara be a nourishing start to my day, it will also be a delicious reminder of my time spent in Morocco.