After Dinner, I Went Looking for More Food
/Has this ever happened to you?
Immediately after finishing dinner the other night, I started rummaging through my cupboards looking for something else to eat.
I wasn’t hungry. I was unsatisfied.
I didn’t completely dislike what I ate for dinner. It just didn’t hit the spot.
My ho-hum meal left me wanting more. It left me wanting pleasure.
Feeling pleasure-deprived, I kept trying different foods until I found something that truly satisfied me. Once I did, my eating experience felt complete and I was able to move on with my evening.
Wired for Pleasure
As humans, we’re wired for pleasure. When our meals lack pleasure, it’s a natural human response to seek out food that meets our fundamental need for it.
There are many reasons why a meal may be pleasure deficient.
It could be because the recipe you made didn’t turn out quite right, or you’re stuck in a food rut, or bored with your leftovers.
Maybe the entrée you ordered at the restaurant didn’t live up to your expectations or wasn’t what you really wanted because you were trying to make the “right” choice. Or perhaps the takeout food you had delivered arrived irreparably tough or soggy.
Or maybe you were dieting, which is rarely pleasurable.
If you’ve ever followed a plan that restricted what you were allowed to eat, that didn’t let you have what you really wanted, that didn’t satisfy your hunger or taste buds, you may have frequently found yourself after finishing a lackluster meal digging through your fridge or cabinets looking for something more to eat.
You may even have found yourself feeling a bit binge-y after your meal.
Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, this is not due to a lack of control, willpower or self-discipline. It’s due to being human.
You’re simply trying to take care of your unmet need for pleasure.
Satisfaction-Based Eating
If you have a history of dieting, most of your eating decisions have likely been driven by questions such as “What am I allowed to have?” or “What have I earned the right to eat?” or “What should I eat?”
When working with my clients on shifting from restrictive, rules-based eating to unconditional, attuned eating, their food decisions start to be guided by satisfaction- and pleasure-based questions, such as:
What sounds satisfying? What will hit the spot?
How can I make my meal pleasurable?
What will taste and feel the most satisfying?
What will satisfy my hunger level, my appetite, my desires?
It may be hard to answer these questions in the beginning as dieting can cause you to lose touch with what you actually like to eat.
Radically Change Your Relationship
Approaching eating decisions through the lens of pleasure and satisfaction versus rules and restriction can radically change your relationship with food, and frankly, your overall quality of life.
Of course, not every meal is going to be a five-star experience. For most of us, life doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes food is just fuel to get you through your day. Sometimes whatever you have on hand is good enough.
Sometimes you may have barriers that prevent you from having what you really want, like budget, time, energy or access limitations.
However, if your eating experiences are often unsatisfying due to all the diet and wellness culture rules you’re following, I encourage you to experiment with making choices based on what you’re desiring instead of what you’re denying yourself.
Understandably, doing so might feel pretty scary, especially as diet culture conditions us to mistrust our bodies, our instincts and our desires.
Most of us worry we’ll lose control if we allow ourselves to eat what we actually want. We’re afraid we’ll never stop eating and completely go to pot.
The opposite tends to be true, however. My clients are often surprised to discover their eating feels much more balanced, nourishing and fulfilling when they make choices based on pleasure and satisfaction instead of restriction and deprivation.
As the journey toward a more pleasurable, satisfying relationship with food is often full of many challenging twists and turns, it can be quite helpful to get support from an Intuitive Eating community, therapist, counselor or coach. I’m here for you if you need me.
