Why I Lived on an Apple and Candy Bar a Day...

Yesterday's holiday stirred up some poignant memories. 

When I was 12 years old, I spent hours in a department store with my mom desperately searching every rack for the perfect green shirt to wear to school on St. Patrick's Day. It was the night before and, with empty hands, I quickly spiraled into a state of distress. Without the perfect shirt, I was absolutely convinced my entire holiday would be ruined.

Funny thing is, I can't remember anything about the actual holiday. But my memory of how distraught I felt is crystal clear. At such a young age, I was completely hitching my happiness to external things. Over time, the perfect shirt turned into the perfect hair and, eventually, the perfect body. 

In junior high, if my hair didn't look just right, I spent the entire day in a funk. I remember pointing out to friends how awful it looked. It was critical that I acknowledged it first before they had a chance to say anything (the perfect strategy for protecting myself from my own imaginary ideas about what they were thinking!).

My Apple and Candy Bar Diet
My obsession with obtaining the perfect body escalated in high school. The most intense months were after my boyfriend broke up with me. I lived on an apple and candy bar a day. I figured if I was skinnier, he would regret dumping such a hot chick and come crawling back. Being skinny meant I would be more acceptable, desirable, lovable and cool--basically boyfriend-worthy and bulletproof.

My boyfriend did come back, but the size of my jeans didn't stop my heart from being broken again and again.

A 20-Ton Shield
My never-ending quest for perfection is defined so well by Brene Brown, researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection:

"Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It's a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight."

Body Bashing Banned
In recent years, I've been releasing my deeply ingrained beliefs regarding perfectionism, especially when it comes to my body. No longer are my days consumed and ruined by my body bashing. No longer does all my energy and headspace go toward fixing it. Naturally, I want a strong, healthy body but I no longer believe I will be healthier, happier or more lovable when I fit into my skinny jeans.

I've made peace with my reflection in the mirror. I won't lie; it wasn't easy. Not at first. But I kept at it. Whenever I caught myself going down the path of self-attack, I hit the breaks and turned toward love. As a result, I feel lighter in my body even though my body hasn’t changed, but more importantly, I feel lighter in my heart.

Is your quest for the perfect body, weight, diet, workout regime, relationship, job, or whatever stopping you from taking flight?

6 Tips for Sticking to Your Yearly Theme

In my last post, I shared the idea of selecting a yearly theme instead of making New Year's resolutions.

With our busy lives, it's easy to forget our intention so I've gathered a few tips to help you stay on track and put your theme into practice. 

1. Journal About It
Journal about what your theme means to you. Reflect on how it will impact your thoughts, behaviors and actions. Consider how all aspects of your life (e.g., health, relationships, career, finances, etc.) will change if you live in accordance with your theme.

2. Question It
Craft a check-in question that will keep your thoughts and actions in alignment with your theme. For example, if your theme is "joy," ask yourself, "Will this experience/ action/person/thing bring me joy?" Or, if it's "health," you could ask, "Does this thought/action/person/thing promote or demote my health?

3. Post It
Stick reminder notes on your fridge, mirror, computer, desk, steering wheel, cookie jar, etc.

4. Schedule It
Schedule a daily, weekly or monthly reminder in your calendar to check in with yourself and assess how well you're living in alignment with your theme.

5. Visualize It
Create a vision board with a collage of images that represent your theme and hang it on your fridge, in your office, above your bed, etc. 

6. Support It
Seek support and accountability from a partner, friends, family members, mentor, therapist or coach.

And, lastly, consider tattooing it on your forehead. :)

To Your Best Year Yet!

Ditch Resolutions for these...

Happy New Year!

I love all the possibility and potential a new year brings.

Years ago, however, I ditched the idea of making resolutions. They just didn't stick with me.

Instead, I started the following rituals, which have led to greater transformation, growth and contentment.

1. Year-end Gratitude List
At year-end, I write a long list of every gift that blessed my life in someway during the year. My 2013 gratitude list includes everything from family time, clients and friends new and old to my spiritual guides, my teachers, coastal hikes, and being able to run again after enduring a six-month injury.

2. Yearly Theme
Every January, I pick a one-word theme to act as my guiding focus for the year. It's a powerful intention that helps shape all my thoughts, behaviors and actions.

My theme is based on a particular feeling I want to embody, such as joy, peace, grounded or nourished, or something I want more of in my life like abundance, mindfulness, creativity, laughter, positivity, honesty, nature or movement.  

Sometimes I know my theme right away, and other times I mull over a few ideas for a bit. I know I've hit on the right one when it resonates deeply in my gut, heart, head and soul.

(Click here for tips on sticking to your theme year-round.)

Evolve Instead of Resolve
If these ideas speak to you, take some quiet time to first create your 2013 gratitude list then reflect on possible themes for 2014.

Keep in mind, it's not about resolving to change or fix anything but rather about evolving into your higher, true self.

Wishing you a very blessed 2014.