You Don't Have to Earn Your Pie. Or Make Up for Eating It.

Along with all the delicious food, the Thanksgiving holiday often comes with an unsavory serving of diet culture.

For a pleasurable, peaceful eating experience, keep in mind these Thanksgiving don’ts:

1. You don’t have to earn it.
Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, you don’t have to do anything to earn your Thanksgiving meal. You don’t have to do an intense workout or not eat all day to deserve a spot at the table. 

2. You don’t have to make up for it.
Just like you don’t have to earn the right to eat, you don’t have to make up for your eating after the holiday by working out extra hard, skipping meals or starting a cleanse or diet.

3. You don’t have to justify.
Whether it’s having seconds or thirds, filling your plate with mostly mashed potatoes, or eating pie for breakfast, you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. You have the right to eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

(For tips on handling the Food Police in your life, head on over to here.)

4. You don’t have to feel bad.
Diet culture wants you to feel bad, out of control, weak, guilty and ashamed for eating a lot. You don’t.

It’s normal to sometimes eat simply for pleasure and to sometimes eat until you're stuffed, especially when enjoying foods that are novel and only around for a brief period.

5. You don’t have to participate.
Just like people who avoid discussing religion, politics and money, you don’t have to participate in diet and weight talk.

One approach for navigating it, especially when dining with a wide range of people, is to nonchalantly change the subject.

For example, if your cousin starts raving about his latest diet or your mom comments on someone's weight, steer the conversation toward a different topic, such as “I’d love to know what shows everyone is into right now” or “What’s your favorite holiday memory?”

Of course, these five don’ts are helpful to practice not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year. 

My Food Police Spoiled My Vacations

Many years ago, my boyfriend and I were walking down a quiet cobblestone street in a small Turkish town when we encountered the most delicious aroma. Upon investigation, we discovered it was coming from a small, nondescript bakery on the side of the road.

We poked our heads in and were intrigued by a tray on the counter piled high with flakey, coiled pastries sprinkled with sesame seeds. We had no idea what they were and didn’t speak Turkish but eagerly bought one.

Back on the street, we tore into the roll. It was slightly sweet, crispy on the outside, and soft and tender on the inside.

Its flavor was unlike anything we’d ever tasted before. It took a minute to figure out the star ingredient was tahini and only seconds to decide we wanted more.

With our sticky fingers, we turned right back around, reentered the bakery and purchased more of those glorious rolls.

Momentarily Pleasurable
Unfortunately, this moment of pure pleasure didn’t last long.

It was quickly spoiled by my inner Food Police, the voice in my head that was always trying to make me feel bad, guilty and ashamed about my eating.

This critical, punitive voice berated me for eating something so caloric. It calculated all the miles I would need to run to make up for it. It told me it would be a good idea to skip dinner.

It made me feel remorseful, irritable and distracted.

All this relentless noise in my head turned me into a cranky travel companion and prevented me, and sadly my boyfriend, too, from fully enjoying the rest of our day.

Post-Vacation Compensation
My pastry experience was not unique. It happened over and over again on that vacation and many others with any food I considered bad, fattening or unhealthy.

Despite giving myself a “free pass” to eat whatever I wanted while traveling (WTH, I’m on vacation!), thanks to my dieting mindset, my eating was never truly free.

There was always a sense that I would have to pay for it, that I would need to undo the “damage” I had caused when I got home by restricting my eating and ramping up my exercise.

It’s understandable that I thought this way. Perhaps you have, too.

Diet culture with its anti-fat underpinning has normalized the belief that any sort of food “indulgence” needs to be compensated for with a diet, detox, cleanse, fast, workout, etc.

Just think about how many times you or your vacation companions have said something like “I’ll need to make up for all this eating when I get home!” or “My diet starts the day I return!” or “I’m cutting out carbs the minute I’m back!”

Because comments like these are so common and relatable thanks to our pervasive diet culture, most people will laugh, nod their heads in agreement and respond with a “Me too!” or “I hear ya!”

Guilt-Free Vacation Eating
What if it didn’t have to be this way? What if your vacation wasn’t tainted by worries about what you ate and how you’re going to make up for it? What if you could enjoy whatever you wanted and just move on?

Part of the process of making peace with food includes challenging your diet mentality and anti-fat bias, firing your inner Food Police, and truly giving yourself unconditional permission to eat—not just while you’re on vacation but every day of the year.

I absolutely love trying local foods when I travel. Doing so became so much more pleasurable once I healed my relationship with food and began eating with guilt-free gusto. It makes me wish I could go back to that bakery and do it all over.

If I Go to the Party, I Might Blow My Diet

As we inch our way out of the pandemic, many people are excited to be out in the world socializing again. For most, the opportunity to freely connect with others in person is something to celebrate.

However, if you have a lot of food rules and restrictions, socializing can feel stressful, scary and just way too risky.

I know this was the case for me when I was dieting. Social events that involved food made me anxious. I became a master at avoiding any situation that threatened my need for control and that could potentially cause me to eat off-plan.

Staying Home Feels Safer
When I ask folks how dieting negatively impacts them, they almost always talk about how it adversely affects their social life.

It sounds something like this:

• I decline a lot of party invitations because I’m afraid if I go, I’ll break down and eat a bunch of food I shouldn’t be eating.
  

• Even though I’d like to, I don’t go out to lunch with my coworkers since the places they like don’t serve anything I can eat. Instead, I eat my diet-friendly lunch at my desk while scrolling through social media.
  

• I skip a lot of family gatherings because there’s always so much food, including many of my childhood favorites. I don’t want to be tempted and fall off the wagon.
  

• Rather than hang out with my friends on the weekends, I spend hours alone in my kitchen preparing my diet-approved meals for the upcoming week.
  

• I’d really like to meet someone, but dating is hard since my diet doesn't allow me to eat after 6:00 p.m.
  

• I get anxious about consuming too many calories/points/carbs when eating out with my friends so I often make excuses about why I can’t join them.
  

• I avoid taking trips if I won’t be able to control what food I’ll have access to. It’s just too stressful.
  

• When I go to an event, I’m so distracted by all the food I want but won't let myself have that it’s hard to be present with others. This doesn't feel good, so I’d rather just stay home.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, I’m guessing you experienced some major relief during the pandemic when socializing in person came to a grinding halt.

(Please note, I’m not referring to dietary restrictions that are absolutely necessary due to health conditions such as celiac disease or a peanut allergy. Understandably, critical restrictions such as these can make navigating some social events more challenging and daunting.)

Social Life Suffers
As you may know all too well, when you place a lot of rules and restrictions on your eating, your social life can suffer tremendously.

Following a diet and/or living with a diet mentality makes it really hard to engage fully in your life. 

It's difficult to be flexible in different food situations and eating environments, to go with the flow, to be spontaneous and open to new experiences.

Your life becomes very restricted, contracted and small.

If you’re afraid of eating the “wrong” things, losing control with food and blowing your diet, it’s completely understandable why you would want to isolate yourself. You’re simply trying to be good, to protect yourself, to keep yourself safe.

Yet, the social isolation dieting can cause not only sucks a lot of the fun and joy out of your life, it also limits your opportunities for connecting with others in meaningful ways, which is essential for your wellbeing.

Not Inherently Dieters
Human beings are inherently social creatures. We are not inherently restrictive eaters.

We thrive when we regularly nourish ourselves with a wide variety of satisfying, pleasurable foods—as well as deep, fulfilling social connections.

If your diet keeps you stuck at home, afraid of socializing and losing control with food, I encourage you to truly consider if it's worth restricting your life for.